My Christmas list, newly revised.
The Instant Sun Shelter
Price: $89.95
Description: This is the shelter that sets up in seconds to provide cover form the sun, wind, and rain . . . included eight metal anchors . . . ensuring stability on blustery days . . . included shoulder-slung bag, leaving your hands free to carry additional gear.
In short: It's a giant, f***ing umbrella. That family does look awfully happy being sheltered from the sun, though.Meerkat Gang Sculpture
Price: $85.00
Description: Sculpted at over two feet tall from their characteristic sentry stance to their long, thin tails, this charming trio of meerkats is sure to turn heads in your home or garden!
And turn heads it will . . .
The Infinitely Adjustable Reading Valet
Price: $179.95
Description: Unlike typical hands-free bookstands that offer only one position, this superior model telescopes, tilts, yaws, and swivels 360* to allow countless hands-free reading positions.
Can you get any more lazy?
The Only Underwater Pogo Stick
Price: $59.95
Description: This is the only pogo stick designed for use i swimming pools that allows you to perform a variety of waterborne stunts as you bounce off walls or bottoms.
There's definitely a reason this is the only underwater pogo stick around.
The Canine Genealogy Kit
Price: $59.95
Description: This kit analyzes your dog's DNA and identifies breeds in its ancestry. It provides scientific confirmation of the physical characteristics, behavioral tendencies, personality traits, and potential health risks your dog . . . has inherited. A professional laboratory tests a cotton swab that you simply rub against the inside of your dog's cheek . . . You will receive a certificate listing your dog's ancestry . . . Takes up to three weeks to receive results.
It comes with an official certificate?! Well, I'm sold. The No!No! FaceTrainer
Price: $149.00
Description: Works out facial muscle for a natural looking lift. In a 60-day clinical trial, participants achieved 71% reduction in sagging skin. How it works: The FaceTrainer fits snugly over your face as you perform simple facial movements . . . just ten minutes a day and your FaceTrainer is all you need to look younger and healthier.
And now my personal favorite. . . .
The Telekinetic Obstacle Course
Price: $99.95
Description: This is a game that uses your focused brain waves to maneuver a ball through an obstacle course. A headband and two earlobe clips measure theta wave activity produced by your brain (similar to EEG monitoring technology used by medical professionals). As you relax and concetrate, the headband sends a wireless signal to the game's air fan . . . suspending or lowering a foam ball; a knob . . . enables you . . . to move the ball through one of eight obstacles including hoops, teeter-totters, baskets, or chutes.
Anyone who doesn't want this is a fool.
*All images and descriptions are from SkyMall.com and SkyMall magazine.
Meerkats are cool.
ReplyDeleteThis is seriously one of the more entertaining things about flights. Where else can you look for nearly-preposterous crud like a wall-sized crossword puzzle?
ReplyDelete