Poorly Conceived Ideas

(at a firework viewing)

S: Hey, you know what would be awesome? Reverse fireworks.
J: You mean bombs.
S: ...

Talking Toads

There's an old Korean story. I guess it's the Korean version of Cinderella. In this version, "Cinderella"--"Kong-ji" wants to go to a party. Her evil step mother will allow her to attend under the caveat that Kong-ji must first complete a series of impossible chores. One of the tasks is to fill a large pot with a large hole in the bottom completely with water. Of course, as Kong-ji pours in a gourds of water, more seep out, and there's no possible way that she could ever fill the pot. So she keeps on scooping and pouring the water in, watching all her work piddle out of the pot and into the ground.

I feel like that sometimes. I don't know what I'm trying to fill or what I'm trying to fill it with, but whatever it is, my pot keeps emptying, and here I am, just scooping away, getting more frustrated with each gourd.

But the story has a happy ending. Cinderella finds herself a nice little talking toad who agrees to sit on the hole so that no water will leak out.

I'm wondering when I'll find my nice, talking toad.

WWBD Week 2: Sleep, Don't Snooze

I've been thinking about how little-me used to wake up at 5:30 on the weekends to watching cartoons without an alarm. But then again, little-me used to go to bed at 9. But then again, little me didn't have homework, tests, lab reports, and work like college-me does. But then again, college-me wastes a lot of potential sleep time on the Skype and Youtube. This week, my challenge is to head off to bed 1:30 or earlier on weekdays and before 2:30 on weekends. Eventually, I'm going to try to whittle it down to 12:30 in the coming weeks, but hey, baby steps.

In retrospect this week should have been switched with last week. Excited-me didn't really think through the whole getting up early and going to the gym business. Excited-me went ahead and promised to get up early to run, while simultaneously creating tired-me by staying up until 3am for no reason. So a quick confession: I kind of sorta didn't really get to my goals last week. Oops. The whole morning thing didn't work out, and I ended up just blatantly ignoring all my alarms (does it count that I actually didn't press the snooze button, but just let them run until they turned themselves off? Mm. I thought not). Needless to say, my Tues/Thurs gym trips didn't work out, but at least I went on a Fri/Sat/Sun-gym-binge to make up for it? Oh, and I also got up at 7 this morning to run today. Yay for me.

P.S. When I originally wrote this post, I used the term "big-me." But then I changed it to college-me. I don't really want to be big-me yet.

WWBD Week 1: No More Snooze/Exercise

I'm tackling two things on my to do list this week mainly because they go hand in hand. I have a nice chunk of time on Tuesday and Thursday mornings for me to go to the gym before my 10:30 class. I tried to do this last semester, but I always ended up just waking up to my early alarm and immediately slamming the snooze button thinking, "Man, I'm tired. If I go and work out at the gym, I'll be even more tired. I'll just go later," except, of course, later never actually exists.

I've also always been very annoyed at my own snooze button habit. I'll set my alarm for… let's say, 8:00 and will keep pressing that dang 10 min-of-more-fitful-sleep-button until it's 8:50, and I'm running out the door in mismatched socks, unbrushed hair, and barely making it to my chemistry class.

So the rules for me this week are:

No snooze button. Ever. Not in the mornings, and not for any power naps I may or may not take. I am also not allowed to set the alarm later than normal to try to compensate.

Go to the gym on Tuesday, Thursday, Saturday, and Sunday mornings. "Morning" will be defined as "before noon."

Ready.Set.Go.

Dedication

A love 20+ inches of snow decided to give New Haven, CT a visit on Wednesday.

My chemistry professor decided to spend Tuesday night on an air mattress in his office (which he purchased for the occasion), lest he miss class on Wednesday morning.

Can't help but admire the dedication.

What Would Ben Do?

I don't remember most things I'm forced to read for English class. But one little passage that I read during sophomore year somehow found itself a nice little nook in my brain, and I can't get it leave, nor do I want it to.

The passage had something to do with Benjamin Franklin and the founding fathers of the United States, but all I remember is the concept of Ben's 13 virtues. Ben decided that there were 13 different qualities that a "perfect man" should possess. He kept these virtues written in his journal and measured his own performance in comparison to these virtues on a daily basis. He would pick a virtue and work solely on that virtue for a week or more.

I'm strangely compelled and inspired by this concept. I remember thinking the first time that I read this, "Oh man, I could totally write down all the things that I think would make me a good person. And oh man, one a week doesn't sound too bad. I could do one every two weeks even, just to make sure I have it down pat. Man. Becoming a perfect person sounds.... easy."

I never pursued the idea further, until now.

It's cliche, but the coming of a new year is always a great time to find some motivation that gets wedged between trying to get enough sleep and cram-writing papers during the fall semester. The new year also happily coincides with the start of spring term, which is always a popular time for students to resolve to "get their act together."

I have a very impressive resolutions list this year. A very, very impressive list. But then again, I have a very, very impressive list every year. The difference this time is that I have a partner who on her own has independently composed an impressive list of her own. A very, very impressive one.

In the name of Benjamin Franklin (and his blessings, hopefully), we have decided to pursue a "virtue" of our own each week this year. Our goals this year range from the scholarly to the spiritual. But, the our ultimate goal is to pursue and cultivate a habit each week that will get us one step closer to the people we want to be. Some of our weekly habits will be mundane and simple like "don't press the snooze button." Some will be more ambitious such as "finish that novel that I've been meaning to read since 9th grade."

I'm just super excited to see what kind of students and people we'll be by the end of the year.

Hiatus

I could write a long, involved dissertation here on how I've been so terribly busy in the past months, how so many other things have demanded my attention, yabba, yabba, yabba. While most of that would probably be true, it would also be a complete cop out, so I'll just admit that I'm just a sucky blogger. I'm as far as the blogging world is concerned, that 'friend' who calls you when they're sad/drunk/in need your chemistry homework. Sorry 'bout that (to the two whole people that makes up my readership-- thank you, supportive parents).

So I promise I'll be better.

Who am I kidding? I'll probably post this same example entry in another few months (I hear Barney Stinson off in the distance yelling, "Challenge accepted).

Actually, I've posted this same exact post in all my other failed blogs. I won't mention them here because it's pretty freaking embarrassing. You can go found them yourselves (by which I mean, hi mom, hi dad).

Paradigm Shift

(Susie gets into car)

C: Sorry the backseat's so messy. I had to take my parents to work, and they sometimes make a mess. And I had to bring my dog, too.

Me: . . .

L: Why'd you have to take them to work?

C: Because they can't be left alone.

S: Why can't they be left alone?

LC: Oh, when you leave them alone, they start screaming.

Me: . . .

C: Yeah, they can't be left alone. They seriously just start screaming.

Me: . . .

C: But yeah, sorry the car's really messy. Sometimes he just chews stuff up and spits it back out. Look at that crap on the floor.

Me: . . .

C: (something about birds)

Me: hahahahahahahaha.

C: . . .

S: . . .

L: . . .

Me: hahahahahahahaha.

Re-read the conversation after replacing "parent" with "parrot."

COCKROACH

AUGH.

Now, I'm not normally an advocate of capital-letter-speak. However, desperate times call for equally hysterical forms of expression. I have spent the past hour of my life trapping a GIANT COCKROACH and recuperating from the experience.

So, I get home from watching Despicable Me at the theater (a surprisingly pleasant movie, by the way) to find a GIANT COCKROACH in the doorway to my bathroom. I initially mistook it for a blob of hair in the dim lighting only to find out I was reaching out for a DEMON ON SIX LEGS.

I immediately telephoned a friend of mine and began screaming into the phone about the GIANT COCKROACH now in my apartment. After listening to my panicked blabber for a good minute, she calmly told me to squash it with a shoe. At this point, I calmed down a bit and told her yes, I would kill it with a shoe, and yes it will all be fine.

As soon as I hung up the phone, I began to approach the GIANT COCKROACH holding a pair of orange Converse when the little bugger TWITCHED. This of course triggered yet another panic attack which led to me calling my parents. They patiently listened to me cry/shout/bellow (yes, there were tears) incoherently into phone for 30 minutes while I attempted to cover the cockroach with a small Styrofoam bowl.

I finally managed to trap the SOB under not one, but two foam bowls and topped it off with a box of sidewalk chalk to make sure it really couldn't escape. Which lead to me pacing around the apartment trying to calm myself down and sitting down to write this entry.

My heartbeat is still slightly elevated, and as seen in my out of character use of capitalized words, I'm still a tad unnerved. I keep thinking the various spots on the floor in the peripheral vision are more GIANT COCKROACHES. I opened my closet expecting a whole army of them to come swarming out. I have made cockroach spray the number one priority on my shopping list.

Dear god, nothing like a COCKROACH ATTACK to remind me that I'm still 6 years old.

Quasi

My friend Casey and I love the prefix "pseudo." We love it so much, we use it even if it is inappropriate and doesn't make sense. We also love the "non" descriptor. Our conversations are filled with "non-places" doing "non-things" as we pseudo-bitterly reminisce those "pseudo-fun" activities during high school.

At one point, we saw the word "quasi" while browsing the shelves at the library. After discovering this awesome, new modifier, we made a pact of sorts to use it more often. Of course, our tongues were still loyal to "pseudo," and our use of the word "quasi" were consequently few and far between. At best, we would say "pseu--" remember our pact, say "quasi" with extra emphasis and then have a good laugh about it.

Anywho, I was reminded of all of this when few days ago I was standing in line at a burger joint listening to some locals play bluegrass. Which then reminded me of folk music. Which then reminded me of a conversation that I had exchanged with a guy named Cody at the farmer's market about a mutual friend of ours who was in a "sort of folk acappella group." Then I couldn't remember if he had perhaps used the "quasi" or "pseudo" modifier instead of "sort of."

This is one of the few trains of thought I have successfully elucidated, so I thought it was blog-worthy.

Personality Inventory

Ever since I've been done with The-Test-That-Must-Not-Be-Named, I haven't visited the CollegeBoard website, but in midst of my "what major to do in college crisis" (more about that later, perhaps), I landed upon an old personality inventory that I took in junior year (for those interested, it's part of the MyRoad module CollegeBoard has for all members). Partially out of curiosity and mostly out of boredom, I retook the inventory (alright, I admit it. It was mostly out of curiosity).

For the most part, I'm still relatively similar to the person I was in junior year. I still like working by myself, I find crowds slightly uncomfortable, I like to plan ahead, I moderately like change, and the future is something that concerns me.

For most of the questions, you choose how left or right you lean on a spectrum between two statements. For example:

I like a lot of change in my world; too little change is boring

(Strongly)

(Mostly)

(Somewhat)

(Unsure)

(Somewhat)

(Mostly)

(Strongly)

I like stability in my world; too much change bothers me

More often than not, when I did refine an old answer, I opted for the "unsure" option. I questioned a bit how my 16 year old self clicked so confidently checked "strongly" for so many of the prompts. I suspect that I was skewing my answers to convince myself I was more defined than I actually was. I always treated those personality inventories as some sort of competition, as if there was a winner in getting a certain 4 letter personality ID. Now in my crisis of not knowing what I want to do in college, I retook that inventory as honestly as I could, and found it more difficult than I expected.

I ended up scoring as an ENTZ (I got an INTZ in junior year), but my individual section scores were pretty deflated, a couple of them bordering between "slight" and "clear." I feel like I should be able to coherently and elegantly summarize a lesson learned from all of this, but I can't. All I really feel is that slight discomfort knowing that I maybe don't know what I want to do in life as well as I convinced myself during my high-and-mighty, life-will-do-my-bidding phase.

Oh man, college, here I come.

Lazy

My calculus teacher once told me:

It's good to be lazy.

He meant that I should try to solve math problems in "lazy" or "clever" methods. Of course, I took this as an invitation to totally misconstrue his words and justify my laziness for everything else.This being summer and all, I've taken my teacher's advice quite literally. For example, yesterday was spent watching 18 episodes of How I Met Your Mother, which by the way is a fantastic show.

As much as I love following the wisdom of my calculus teacher, I can't help but feel a little dissatisfied . . .

I Love Sky Mall

My Christmas list, newly revised.

The Instant Sun Shelter

Price: $89.95

Description: This is the shelter that sets up in seconds to provide cover form the sun, wind, and rain . . . included eight metal anchors . . . ensuring stability on blustery days . . . included shoulder-slung bag, leaving your hands free to carry additional gear.

In short: It's a giant, f***ing umbrella. That family does look awfully happy being sheltered from the sun, though.

Meerkat Gang Sculpture

Price: $85.00

Description: Sculpted at over two feet tall from their characteristic sentry stance to their long, thin tails, this charming trio of meerkats is sure to turn heads in your home or garden!

And turn heads it will . . .

The Infinitely Adjustable Reading Valet

Price: $179.95

Description: Unlike typical hands-free bookstands that offer only one position, this superior model telescopes, tilts, yaws, and swivels 360* to allow countless hands-free reading positions.

Can you get any more lazy?

The Only Underwater Pogo Stick

Price: $59.95

Description: This is the only pogo stick designed for use i swimming pools that allows you to perform a variety of waterborne stunts as you bounce off walls or bottoms.

There's definitely a reason this is the only underwater pogo stick around.

The Canine Genealogy Kit

Price: $59.95

Description: This kit analyzes your dog's DNA and identifies breeds in its ancestry. It provides scientific confirmation of the physical characteristics, behavioral tendencies, personality traits, and potential health risks your dog . . . has inherited. A professional laboratory tests a cotton swab that you simply rub against the inside of your dog's cheek . . . You will receive a certificate listing your dog's ancestry . . . Takes up to three weeks to receive results.

It comes with an official certificate?! Well, I'm sold.

The No!No! FaceTrainer

Price: $149.00

Description: Works out facial muscle for a natural looking lift. In a 60-day clinical trial, participants achieved 71% reduction in sagging skin. How it works: The FaceTrainer fits snugly over your face as you perform simple facial movements . . . just ten minutes a day and your FaceTrainer is all you need to look younger and healthier.

Wait, did anyone else catch that? 60 freaking days!

And now my personal favorite. . . .

The Telekinetic Obstacle Course

Price: $99.95

Description: This is a game that uses your focused brain waves to maneuver a ball through an obstacle course. A headband and two earlobe clips measure theta wave activity produced by your brain (similar to EEG monitoring technology used by medical professionals). As you relax and concetrate, the headband sends a wireless signal to the game's air fan . . . suspending or lowering a foam ball; a knob . . . enables you . . . to move the ball through one of eight obstacles including hoops, teeter-totters, baskets, or chutes.

Anyone who doesn't want this is a fool.

*All images and descriptions are from SkyMall.com and SkyMall magazine.

The Golden State

I recently (by which I mean last night) returned from a trip to Los Angeles. Already bunkered in Arkansas for spring break, myself and the 'rents hopped a direct flight to California and landed in LAX around 2 AM, local time. Biologically speaking, I was still stuck in EST and effectively passed out on the bed after a short but extremely hot shower upon arrival at the hotel.

It being our first time in California, of course my Lees partook in every cliche, tourist-y activities including hitting Universal Studios and various parts of Hollywood including the Walk of Fame and Sunset Boulevard. There's something about cliché, tourist-y activities that makes me hate humanity yet feel so connected to it at the same time (postmodernist literature, anyone?). For example, while oohing and aahing at the Wisteria Lane set for Desperate Housewives, I couldn't help but ask:

"Why do I care? Why did I travel literally across the country to ooh and ahh at a fake suburban street?"

When I could not think of an immediate answer, I momentarily felt a little disheartened and depressed. Fortunately, this feeling did not last long as I decided to shake off my angsty teenage self and just enjoy the fact that despite me complaining about the world being so horribly superficial, I will at some level find movie sets cool and faun over Edward Norton.

It's true Hollywood can be see as extremely superficial, trite, and contrived. It's also true that despite this negative view, millions of people around the world watch Paramount productions and read celebrity gossip and know the name Tom Hanks.

Millions of people.

Hundreds of million people.

Around the world.

I think that by itself gives the whole entertainment industry some meaning. Almost every human being in the world participates in it from the moment they turn on their TV sets or drive past a billboard.

So, Hollywood. Contrived? Perhaps. Superficial? Probably.

Meaningless? I don't know.

Alright. Enough ranting.

Despite my open condemnation for all things cliché, these things are cliché for a reason-- everybody loves it.

High points of my vacation: palm trees, beach, sun = cliché, cliché, cliché = awesome, awesome, awesome.

Sky Watching

There's nothing quite like looking down from an airplane, looking at the tiny little lights of Los Angeles while Pink Floyd's Wish You Were Here pounds through your ears.

Write it down people-- add it to your list: listen to Pink Floyd 30,000 ft in the air.

Snapshot

Here I am, sitting at the dining room table of a one bedroom apartment. My mother is sleeping on the couch about 7 ft. to the left of me, while my dog slumbers away underneath my chair.

The only sound: the refrigerator hum.
The only light source: a single ceiling lamp hanging above my head.
Temperature: 75 degrees
Books in my backpack: Franny and Zooey, The Blind Watchmaker
Signs of life: mom, dog
Deceptive signs of life: two potted plants, which upon closer inspection reveal themselves to be fake.

Random thoughts that have gone through my head in the past ten minutes: Proprioception, self-defense mechanisms, to-do lists, Led Zeppelin, Law and Order, blogging, globalization.

Evolutionary Biology

After partaking in a 3 hour nap this evening, I went downstairs work on some biology homework (some worksheets on stem cell research, but that is irrelevant). Of course, expecting to accomplish any work was blind hope, and I found myself participating in a semi-intense debate on macroevolution.

Now, I normally hate arguing. Normally, it's because I have no idea what I'm talking about, and I know how much it bothers me when people form opinions based on nonsense. As a general rule, I avoid controversial topics altogether and content myself with reading mildly provocative blog entries on the internet.

But with 5+ books on evolutionary biology under my belt, I couldn't help but give my 2 cents.

I won't go into the details of the debate here, mainly because I don't want this becoming some sort of free-for-all debate fist fight (granted, I probably don't even have enough readers for a proper debate, but that is beside the point).

All I'll say is that I'm not a creationist. My run with my biology course at school as well as my Dawkins and Wilson kick has convinced me macroevolution is the way to go.

As I said, I normally like to steer clear of all things controversial. But this is one of the few topics that I consider important, and one of the very few topics of which I can actually make a cogent argument. So if anyone wants to discuss, feel free to do so.

The World

Changes every day.

Irrevocably.

Permanently.

For better or for worse.

Weekends

I live from weekend to weekend. The work days in between all merge into a mess of classes, busy work, and the daily grind. I can't say what I did last week, but I can say with certainty what I did last weekend (in this case, really nothing at all. I spent hours watching Weeds and loafing around in my apartment).

I look forward to sleeping in, despite my incapability of sleeping later than 9 am. I look forward to the luxury of sitting in my room, not getting anything done, and catching up on my lost episodes of whatever TV show I happen to feel like watching that week.

Some weekends ago, I lazily wandered the streets of Hartsville, SC with neither aim nor destination. I discovered a genealogical research library as well as some side boutiques.

I ended up reading On Human Nature by E.O. Wilson in Centennial Park (if that small patch of plants can be considered a park).

All in all, a good day.

And here I am, looking forward to tomorrow, living from weekend to weekend.

E.O. Wilson

is the man.